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The best laid plans...

(6) I graduated college with a plan. I needed a break so was going to get some real life experience before applying to get my masters & become an SLP. Well, life happened. My mom got sick & I made the decision that being her caregiver was more important than any plan could ever be. I didn’t for one second consider the toll it would take on me. Now that i’m on the other side I’m seeing things in a very different light. Am i where I want to be at this stage in life? Definitely not. Am I happy about that? Definitely not. Had I known this in advance would i still have chosen to be my mom’s caregiver? Absolutely. Unfortunately all i can do is grieve & move on from here. Along with that comes questions of when I’m going to get back into the real world but nobody really seems to understand the position I’m in. Every time i meet someone new, there’s the question of what I do and I’m only just getting to a point where i can get out a rehearsed “... and then my mom got sick” without my voice getting shakey. And whenever possible I don’t even mention the part about me quitting my job or her dying. Had I been employed when she died I think it would have been much easier for me to return to a normal routine/life. An object in motion stays in motion but I had come to a screeching halt. Not only that, but I also have 9 dogs to think about. The crew got me through it all. Without them, i don’t know where I’d be. That being said, every decision i make is only after considering them first. Remember, the crew started with my mom & I. My mom worked flexible hours out of her car as a pharmaceutical rep. Now, most days, as far as daily routine goes, it’s just me (Tbone works long hours) and I consider them first in every thing I do: What will best help me provide for them? How long can I be out for without it being unfair to them? If we were to move, would they have adequate space? I’m not complaining in the least, it’s just not stuff your normal 20-something thinks about. So while I can understand the good intentions and push for me to move on with my life, I honestly just need the time to figure things out & let life happen because ultimately there’s no stopping it. 🖤

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