Years ago I accidentally hopped on the trend where I’d defend an argument starting with the phrase “I feel like…” to which my mom would roll her eyes and interrupt saying “nobody cares what you *feel* like” it’s the facts that matter. Sounds harsh but she wasn’t wrong. Look around you, everyone - every single person - is grieving. Maybe it’s a parent, spouse, sibling, child, pet… or maybe it’s not a physical loss but a relationship or transition. Whatever the source, those unavoidable feelings do nothing but cloud our vision, restrict our strengths and hold us back.
We’re all going through something but grief is as unique as the person experiencing it. Take me and my siblings for example - we all lost the same person but our grief is not at all the same. Nobody can say who has had the toughest pill to swallow and we deal with it each in our own way.
For me, in the same way “I feel like…” gave me an out if I was wrong, grief has given me an out for the past few years. Don’t get me wrong, I went through a lot, but if it weren’t for grief and the resulting depression I surely would have applied to grad school years ago. I wouldn’t have had a reason not to. A valid excuse? Maybe. But also a crutch to make me not feel less guilty about wasted time? Absolutely.
Sometimes stacked on top of our loss are feelings of regret or resentment but if we can check in with ourselves and rationalize, we’d realize our past is nobody’s fault but our own.
In addition, when you consider we are each experiencing some form of grief, shouldn’t that be less of a reason to allow it to impact how we treat each other? It’s easy to make excuses but we’d all be better off if we took accountability instead of pushing the blame onto someone else. When *feelings* become an excuse for our poor choices we end up pushing people away and not getting the support we so desperately need.
So, as we push forward let’s all have a little humility, look beyond our *feelings,* stop making excuses and treat others with the dignity they deserve. 🖤