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Blindsided



One of the first things I wanted to do when Duncan came home was to get a pic of him with my mom. Somehow, after over a month, I just happened to randomly ask her for permission to do it last Monday. I took the picture and she looked effortlessly beautiful. We talked about how I wanted her to come to training again now that warm weather was overdue. She seemed excited & told me she would love that but she “just wished she had more time.” It was weird to hear, but I shook it off. Little did I know, just a few hours later, her breathing would become labored and we’d be rushing to the ER. At that point, she was only having another round of anxiety induced vomiting. We had no idea she had aspirated trying to hold it back. One week later, I still feel like it is Tuesday, 4/10/18 and I’ve only just gotten home from leaving my mom at the hospital, never to see her again. All week long I’ve worked on memorial cards, her eulogy, and sorted through pictures yet I still feel like when I go downstairs she’ll be in her bed watching HGTV. I’d peek in her room to light her yankee candle and see if she needed anything. Without fail I’d hear “Can you do me a favor?” As I braced myself for another tedious task I couldn’t say ‘no’ to, she’d finish with “tell me you love me.” It was almost like for the past 2 years I hadn’t already been overcompensating for the 25 years I didn’t say it enough. How has a week gone by without hearing my mom’s voice and seeing her smile? For the past few weeks I had been giving her a harder time than usual, insisting she get her butt moving so she could build her strength up & impress her doctors. I wish I had those days back to just sit and enjoy her company. If one good thing came out of her being sick, it was that I had time to truly appreciate her and how much she meant to me. Without her, this crew would not exist and, thanks to you guys, she felt comfort knowing she was loved and supported by so many she never even got to meet. I promise, in time, I will read every single condolence. The fact that our crewfamily cards rival blood family & friend cards is unbelievable. Please know your thoughtfulness & kindness has never been taken for granted.❤

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