Another year older. A second birthday without my mom’s obnoxious singing. (There’s a reason she was kicked out of grade school choir.) Another reminder that, ready or not, life goes on without her. She would have spent the last month making sure she had the perfect gift - “something I actually needed.” She would serve tacos for dinner followed by chocolate cake. Birthdays come and go. I’ve never really been a fan of celebrating my own so, to be honest, it’s not the most disappointing part of losing her. Although it is a reminder of everything else she is sure to be noticeably absent from and the ways that life would have been vastly different had she never been dealt a stage IV cancer diagnosis just three short years ago. I can be grateful for the years we had and appreciate everything I still get to enjoy. I’m fortunate to wake up to a house full of doggos and be surrounded by the amazing friends and family that have stuck by me. I don’t know that it’s possible to genuinely accept that my future will have a permanent black hole where the most important person in my life should be but i’ve spent much of the last three years just taking every day as it came and i think it’s time to actually embrace that the future is inevitable... ready or not.
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