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To Each Their Own

No one can tell you how to grieve… for how long, what stage you should be at or even how to cope. We’re all different and what works for one of us may not work for the other. For me, I stumbled upon writing. For others, it may be casual conversation, long walks, art, reading, therapy, or medication… the only one who can really know if you’ve found what works for you, is you.

Never judge another person’s grief. You weren’t a part of that relationship so you can’t possibly fully understand it. Maybe you can relate to certain aspects but everyone’s grief is as unique as the bond they’re left solely holding onto. There are a million coping mechanisms out there. As long as they’re not choosing something harmful, just be there for them.

It’s been 2 years and 9 months since I held my mom’s hand as she died. I think about her daily but, overall, most days I’m fine. However, it’s okay that I still cry sometimes. I cried just last week hitting “submit” on my grad school applications because she would have been the first person I told. It’s okay that there are things that I don’t necessarily want to do without her by my side. That doesn’t mean I’m spending the rest of my life in bed, refusing to move on, but rather that, for me, she’s someone worth missing. And of course,“significant times” are more difficult than others but there’s also insignificant times when, for whatever reason, I’m spontaneously reminded that my wonderful mom has been reduced to a jar of ashes sitting in our bay window and i don’t think that will ever not feel like a crushing weight on my chest.

In addition, I get jealous. I can’t even describe how much I envy those of you who get to continue your relationships with your mom into adulthood. I get mad, too, when I see good mothers taken for granted. I can’t even ask mine a simple question anymore. It’s not fair and i’m sure to some it sounds petty but I share these things so other people experiencing these things know it’s normal and don’t feel so alone. 🖤

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