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What Did I Get Myself Into?

Saying goodbye to Coeli was one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to do. Then i came home, looked into the 8 pairs of eyes solemnly peeking back at me, and thought “I have to do this 8 more times? What did i get myself into?”

We don’t deserve dogs. TBone & I are abundantly fortunate to love and be loved by this crew but it comes at a cost. It sounds cliche but they steal a piece of your heart and leave you forever changed.

They are all inherently good and innocent. Perhaps that’s part of what makes it so hard. Even when they require accommodations leaving you physically and emotionally exhausted, we wholeheartedly agree that they’re worth it all. They are amazingly intuitive and sensitive to things long before we ever realize something is coming. Many of you have mentioned, seeing the crew with Coeli in our stories on Thursday, you just knew they knew something. They did. I was still riding the high of a clean CBC and thinking were on our way off the roller coaster but the crew knew better.

Hearing T talk about losing Coeli, i notice him discovering grief in a new way. It’s obviously not the same but he’s making many of the connections I made almost 3 years ago after losing my mom. It’s a level of grief only experienced among the tightest of bonds.

This crew is the product of my mom & I, plotting to have a home filled with the most glorious, gentlest and goofiest floofs, and no one could stop us. In the moment it has been an unbelievable blessing but i’m suddenly acutely aware that i’ve set myself up for an infinite amount of grief to come. 🖤

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